Taming
the Tongue
ImPossible
I again want to thank all of you for the privilege of allowing me to speak to you from the pulpit over the next several weeks. I missed all of you these past seven weeks. Speaking with Jim this past week, I know that you were well cared for. But I still missed our times of worship and being in God’s word together.
Over the next two weeks, in preparation for the beginning of the Advent season I would like to address an issue that has been of great personal concern of mine and that is how we use our words with one another. If you remember two of Jesus’ visions for the church:
· that we would be a community that would love one another as He loved us
· that we would live out of the unity that exists between the Father and the Son.
In my opinion, no single discipline affects our love and our unity more than learning to control our tongue with one another.
As we near the time when we will celebrate the coming of Jesus - the Incarnate Word, we need to take some time and reflect upon how our words affect those around us. What does the Word of God have to say to us about this vital area of our lives? I would like us to start with Paul’s words to the Ephesians recorded in Chapter 4 versus 29. We are going to be looking at a number of scriptures today so I would encourage you to get out your Bible or a pew bible and follow along. Hear the Word of God.
Let
no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good
for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace
to those who hear.
Let’s pray:
Father in heaven, You have told us a lot about how we are to speak with one another. Open our eyes and ears to see and hear Your word to us today. And Lord I pray that every one of us here today would not only curb our unwholesome words, but learn to speak words that would build up others and bring your grace.
To understand fully what Paul is
saying here, we need to set it in the context of the letter that he is writing
to the Ephesians. Remember that Paul was
very close to the
Watchman Nee provides a wonderful and simple outline of the book of Ephesians which helps to set this verse into context. Nee breaks the book into three sections: Sit, Walk and Stand
According to Nee, in Chapters 1-3, Paul describes our position in Christ.
2:4But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with
which He loved us, 5even when
we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by
grace you have been saved), 6and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the
heavenly places in Christ Jesus,
As Christians, Paul wants us to know that though we are made of the stuff of this world, positionally, God had seated us next to Jesus Christ. There is a whole series of sermons just on that – what it means to be seated next to Jesus.
Then in chapters 4-5, Paul tells us how we are to walk in light of our unique position.
4:1Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the
calling with which you have been called,
and again:
17So this I say, and affirm together with the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the
Gentiles also walk, in the
futility of their mind,
and again:
5:1Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; 2and
walk in love, just as Christ
also loved you
8walk as children of Light
15Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise,
So this second section gives us very practical helps in our daily walk.
Finally, the last section of the letter emphasizes our need to stand our ground – to hold on to what we have.
11Put on the full armor
of God, so that you will be able to stand
firm against the schemes of the devil.
13Therefore, take up the
full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and
having done everything, to stand
firm.
14Stand firm therefore,
HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF
RIGHTEOUSNESS,
This is a great little study and I highly recommend it for anyone – read Paul’s letter to the Ephesians – looking for these three themes:
Sit – Our Position in Christ
Walk – Our Walk with Christ
Stand – Our
So in light of our position in Christ and to facilitate our ability to stand firm in the face of intense pressures from the world, the flesh and the devil, our verse today stands in the middle of a whole series of injunctions about how we are to walk the walk. Hear what our Brother Paul encourages us to do:
We are to walk with humility, and gentleness and patience – showing tolerance for one another.[1] We are to take strong measures and apply due diligence to maintain the spiritual unity that God won for us.[2] We are to be solid in our doctrine.[3] We need to speak truthfully in love with one another and to control our anger.[4]
And then brother Paul says in verse 29 that we are to
Let no unwholesome word proceed from our mouths.
Well, I don’t know about you, but I think I have done a pretty good job of letting Jesus clean up my language – I don’t swear. I don’t cuss. I don’t take the Lord’s name in vain.
But then Paul has to spoil my pat on my back when he tells us what he means. Unwholesome words are words that don’t build others up. They are good words that aren’t brought at the right moment. The word Paul uses for “unwholesome” is used in other places to describe bad fruit. What was once good but is now bad. Our words need to come at the right time or they can just be rotten.
Paul also says that unwholesome words are words that don’t bring grace to all who hear them.
Okay – let’s just stop here. I thought I was doing so well in this Walk!
Is Paul trying to set up some new law here? All these do’s and don’ts? As we read this section of Ephesians, there are a lot of specifics but we need to be careful not to make these into a set of rules. He is not making a set of new Testament laws - but we do need to hear Paul’s Spirit inspired truths about working out of the truths of the Gospels. We have to take Paul’s words very seriously because the Holy Spirit has put his finger on a very sensitive area. We have a major problem with our words – and it has very little to do with cussing and swearing and taking the Lord’s name in vain.
Let’s just listen to some of the words that our brother James says about our words:
1:26If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless.
3:5So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! 6And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. 7For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. 8But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. 9With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; 10from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.
Very strong words:
· James says that if we don’t control our tongue and claim to be a follower of Christ we deceive ourselves.
When I was in Junior High, I thought I was a pretty good kid. Then one day at the end of seventh grade, a friend wrote something in my yearbook that surprised me. He described me as the most critical person he had ever met. I never knew that I had a problem in this area. I had never learned to control my tongue and deceived myself in this area. Forty two years later, my critical tongue is still my most besetting sin.
As I wrote this, I wanted to check what I was saying out with Barbara. So I asked, “Is it correct to say that my critical tongue is still my most besetting sin?” I was hoping for slack. I was hoping for – “No that’s really behind you.” But bless her, Barbara immediately responded with a confirmation. That’s how deep this deception goes. We don’t know how bad our words are.
· James also says that our religion is worthless if we don’t control our tongues
About twenty years ago, a young Jewish women I worked with was being witnessed to by two guys who worked for me. She was in a Bible study with them and was getting close to becoming a Christian. But my critical tongue rendered my faith worthless in her eyes and it almost turned her away from the faith. By the grace of God, one of the men shared this with me and I was shaken. I came home that night and fell on my face before God – asking for his mercy on her and His transforming power on my tongue. Again, by God’s grace, she became a Christian and has become a good friend.
James says that an uncontrolled tongue can render our faith worthless.
He goes on to say that an uncontrolled tongue
· is a restless evil
· full of deadly poison
· is set on fire by hell itself
· and cannot be tamed
Let me just say something here. Just because James says that the no man can tame the tongue –we need to remember that with God nothing is impossible. We are not to let James’ words be an excuse for not pursuing this.
When our daughter Abby was little, around this time of year, she and her niece Maia (who is two years younger), use to get on each other about Christmas coming. Whenever one saw the other doing something wrong they would taunt the other:
“You better watch out. You better not cry.”
“He’s making a list. He’s checking it twice. He’s going to find out whose naughty or nice…”
One day, when this bickering got really intense, Abby shot back with some really good theology.
“Maia. Jesus says that “No one is good except God alone” so just back off and be quiet.”
We can use James’ words as an excuse for not trying. We can use the extent of our falleness as an excuse for not doing right. It doesn’t matter how many times I have failed, we still need to state with James:
My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.
Just to make James and Paul’s point even stronger, let’s listen to what Jesus says, speaking to the Pharisees about the our words:
12:34"You brood of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak
what is good? For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. 35The
good man brings out of his good treasure what is good; and the evil man brings
out of his evil treasure what is evil. 36But I tell you that every
careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the
day of judgment. 37For by your words you will be justified, and by
your words you will be condemned."
Jesus is giving us further definition to this idea of “unwholesome” words. Jesus warns us against careless words. Brothers and sisters, sit with the words of our brothers Paul and James. And the words of our Lord Jesus. With our tongues we bless God and curse our brothers! These things ought not to be.
Jesus takes it one step further. He says that we will be judged by our words. I am shocked by my own double standard – how I cut myself slack in areas of sin but am so hard on others when they sin against me. Anyone here want to be judged the way they judge others?
But thankfully, God does not leave us with just these very strong words. I don’t want this to be one of those sermons whose 3 points are:
God is Good. We are bad. So let’s just muddle through!
15:18But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the
heart, and those defile the man.
James is right. No man can tame the tongue – because the problem is with our heart. It is not my tongue that is critical. It is my judgmental heart. It is not my tongue that needs taming – it is my heart that needs continuous conversion.
Do we want our faith to matter?
Do we want Christ the King to be a place where the world will know you by your love? by your unity?
Then let me say to you and to me – If our tongue is untamed, we need a heart transplant. We need God to break our hearts before He will help us to control our tongues. God broke my heart many times as my critical words brought tears to the love of my life. When would I take him seriously about this? Thankfully and by God’s grace it has gotten much less.
Knowing that we can be easily deceived in this, I again asked Barbara if it was a true statement that this has really gotten less over the years. Now not as quickly as she answered before, but she confirmed it. Whew!
Let’s just take a minute of so in silence and let him speak to us about this.
Are we deceived about how we use our words? Are we clueless as to their effect?
Is our faith worthless because of the words of our mouths that hurt and slander and put down and cut?
Are we letting unwholesome words out of our mouths?
[Pause]
But there’s more in Ephesians 4:29 for us. Jesus doesn’t just want to eliminate the bad – he wants to fill us with the good. Paul says that we are to use our
What would Christ the King look
like if all of your words to one another would be for building up the other
person? What would
Several years ago, a very dear brother who had known me for many years told me how much he had seen me change over the years. He said:
“You use to be so hard.”
Not exactly what I wanted to hear. Because I was deceived. I didn’t think I was so hard. But the positive in that statement is that, even though my tongue is still used to hurt and to maim, it has changed and it is still changing. Praise God.
Remember, that God wants this more than you do. This past week, God has really had me on the point about this issue. Every day there was something. One night, as I walked out of the office, he reminded me that I had not spoken graciously to two of my co-workers who were struggling on a project (Interestingly enough, these two were the same two brothers who were having the Bible study with my Jewish co-worker twenty years ago).
Then last night, Barbara and I attended a Hartford Symphony concert. My favorite trumpet player in the Symphony was in a serious bicycle accident this past summer and has been temporarily replaced by another young man. Before the break I was noticing how not “with-it” his replacement was. He seemed disinterested and bored. Without knowing it, I was beginning to bring a judgmental heart attitude to this young man. Thankfully, I held my tongue. But God wants us not just to control the tongue but to have our heart changed.
At the intermission, it “just so
happened” (aka God’s design) that we were sitting in the same section with
Pastor Jim (The concert hall holds about 5,000). So we had chance to share about his last
couple weeks preaching here. By the way,
he sends his love and greetings to you.
In the course of the conversation, his friend Karen began telling us
about the replacement trumpet player.
And because God knows I’m dense and I still wasn’t getting it, when we
got back to our seats, I introduced myself to the couple next to us. They told
me that they were the parents of the replacement trumpet player! They had come up from
Hello Bob! Is anyone home? At that second God just revealed to me my critical heart (again!). This man is made in my image. He has a family that cares for him. I care for him. When will you learn not to judge by appearances?
God wants to change our hearts more than we do. We just need to ask.
I want to declare to you with James:
These things ought not to be.
And they don’t have to be. I have seen generous and gracious words actually come out of my mouth – actually building people up. Believe me, If there is hope for me – surely there is hope for you.
Finally, I want to leave you with two practical things to take with you.
The first is that we need to slow down our tongue. James says that we are to be “quick to hear and slow to speak.”[5] Ask God to discipline you to think and pray before you speak: “Will this be used by You Lord to build up and bring grace to the hearers?”
Kit McDermott taught me the second practical provision a number of years ago. At the end of each day, perhaps just after you get in bed, ask God to show you how your tongue was set on fire by the fires of hell that day. Then ask God’s forgiveness and for his help to change your heart. And then ask Him to show you where you missed being an instrument of His grace towards another. Again ask his forgiveness for that which you have left undone and for his grace to do it tomorrow.
Father – our tongues are meant to bless not curse
heal not harm
build up and not tear down.
Father we cannot tame our tongues. But You can change our hearts. Grant us the diligent discipline to live out that change at Christ the King today.